i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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