porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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