ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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