Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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