you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
