Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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