false alarm. still invincible.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Someone came in the potted fern
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
