Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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