i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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