You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
