I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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