I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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