i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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