It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
