Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize