No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
