need another drink. this is the easiest way
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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