So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just pee around me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
