I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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