So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
