I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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