i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
