This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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