It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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