From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize