the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
