I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize