im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
