I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
