i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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