The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
