I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
