Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
