he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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