Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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