Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He passed out mid-signature
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
