I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
