kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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