she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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