We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
