We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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