Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
