He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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