Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
