My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
