I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
