Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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