Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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