Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
