thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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