i jhust puked up my retainher.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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