when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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