I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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