Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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