Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize