The maid of honor just puked.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
