I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't put those talents on a resume
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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