just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
