i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
