dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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