hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
