I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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