Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
