bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
