Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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