whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
