I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think I just sharted jello shots
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
