And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize