lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You're like the curious george of whores
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
