dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
