I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
