I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
