I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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