If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
