We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
