Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
