from now on my penis is your penis
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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