It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
