I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
