I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
