i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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