3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
