Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
