so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
