i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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