I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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