They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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