We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
