I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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