My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
