1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Congratulations! We have a period
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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