Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize