the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
