My room smells like vodka and shame
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize