Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
