the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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