Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
