Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
