I swear she didn't look like that last week.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
