im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize