I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
