ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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