On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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