like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
