i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
